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Welcome to the Determined to Dance podcast with your host, Jennifer Hallmark. Today’s episode, “How Perfectionism Leads to Procrastination” winds up this series with a look at how striving to be perfect can cause us to procrastinate.
Are you ready? The world would have us march to its chaotic beat but God invites us to dance in His will and His way. Let’s take a moment to be energized, refreshed, and motivated to face the day, one spin and twirl at a time.
Show Notes: How Perfectionism Leads to Procrastination
Can I take a moment to be super honest? I’ve really struggled with procrastination since I started this mini-series on the podcast. Or maybe the realization hit me so hard because I see how much I tend to stall, put things off for a sunny day, even change the subject while talking.
I’m a procrastinator. Yes, I get things done but it tends to be last minute. I need to change. Why do I put things off? Father God is standing on the dance floor with his hand stretched toward mine.
And here I am telling him to wait. Again.
While I connect with everything, I’ve taught over the last eight weeks, I believe that perfectionism is the main cause behind it all, for me anyway. And as I was researching, I found this interesting article I’ll share below in the links by Meagan Drillinger on Healthline. She called the issue the perfectionism-procrastination-paralysis cycle.
A great way to explain it. I tend to look at a task, see all the ways I need to complete it, then look at how hard it will be to make it as perfect as I think it should be, then procrastinate while feeling totally paralyzed when it comes to moving forward. Does anyone else feel my pain?
I’ve heard it said that perfectionism is a good thing, people have justified their extreme behavior by labeling it as productive but I’m not buying it. I’m a recovering perfectionist and I know its destructiveness firsthand. The desire to be excellent in your life and work hard is good but trying to be perfect is futile. Only God is perfect.
I remember times when I’d spend eight hours cleaning one room. Yes, one room. I’d wipe and wash and dust and polish every single inch of every item. If I could go back in time, I’m sure I’d find reasons behind my obsessive behavior.
- Most of my episodes of trying to be perfect arose from stress, anxiety. Once, while we were moving, I got so anxious that I quit moving items inside and went and painted a closet. Everything had become too much and painting helped me gain a little control back.
- When I feel I’m not enough, I might move toward the extreme. In my mind, if I can do it all perfectly, life will line up and I’ll get my act together.
- Especially if it’s something new, fear attacks that I can’t do it, I’ll mess it up, I’ll fail.
- Maybe I did fail while doing something so I’ll try a hundred times harder to do the next thing perfect to make up for it.
Except it doesn’t make up for it. All my strivings in the flesh might appease me for a time but it never changes anything long term. And what I’m looking for is lasting change. A new season. A new me…
Dieting. Yes, I said it. Out loud. In my forties, I started having back trouble and gained weight. Since then, I’ve battled off and on with gaining and losing weight. Most of my diets or exercise plans have failed because of my perfectionism. If I mess up one time or one day, I want to quit. Do that a couple of times and then I do quit. It’s that all-or-nothing attitude.
But I am changing. I’ve read books on the subject, prayed, and have taken a long look at myself. I believe my personality tends toward perfectionist tendencies anyway. But as a child, my dad was really sick with a disease similar to muscular dystrophy. Somehow, somewhere I picked up the notion that it might be my fault. Children tend to feel they are omniscient or all-powerful anyway and I really ran with this feeling. So, I tried to be perfect. From grades to sports to church, I worked hard. I didn’t realize that deep inside I thought my dad would get better because of my works.
I carried this into adulthood. When I was 28, my dad passed suddenly and I spiraled out of control for a season. I battled depression, fear, and anxiety because the feeling that it was my fault attacked me relentlessly. During this time, I found the book “Hiding from Love,” by Dr. John Townsend. It helped me to understand why I felt like I did and how to change the negative patterns I had in my life.
What helped me most was finding safe people to talk to about my childhood, my anxiety, my fears. Then I started blogging and shared more and healed some more. I moved to write fiction and found that the most freeing of all.
In my debut novel, Jessie’s Hope, I placed my main character, twenty-year-old Jessie Smith, in a wheelchair like my dad and put myself in the place of her grandfather and caregiver, Homer. I found healing in this story of love, acceptance, and forgiveness.
How can you find healing if you have perfectionist tendencies that lead to procrastination?
- Talk about it. Find a non-judgmental person who will listen to you and you can be accountable as you seek healing.
- Give yourself grace. Realize that you are human and only God is perfect. Strive for excellence but understand that no one can do everything well.
- Set small goals. When I’m getting ready to work on a podcast episode, I can feel overwhelmed. I stop and break it into small tasks and don’t think about the next part until I finish the one, I’m on.
- Don’t multi-task. This always makes a perfectionist anxious. Stay present and manage one job at a time.
- Fail forward. I love John C. Maxwell’s book by this title. Recognize that failure can be a learning experience (and great material for a writer). Everyone fails occasionally. If I remember that ahead of time and remain realistic, the pain is less.
There is hope for the perfectionist. Remember that God died for us while we were yet sinners. He didn’t wait until we had our act together. Rick Warren said it best, “God will never love you any less or more than he does right now because his love is based on who He is, not what you’ve done.”
As I work on this podcast, I have an inner critic that screams that I’m not doing a good enough job, reminds me that I stumble over words at times and that I don’t always make sense. But I’ve learned to smile and say, “You’re right and it’s okay. God loves me and I’m doing the best I can for the knowledge I have and the season I’m in.”
Then I take God’s hand and move back onto the dance floor. I hope you will too.
Let’s pray: Father God, you are so good. Thank you for loving me where I am. Help me to see when I struggle with trying to be perfect. When I’m anxious and worried and disappointed. Show me your way, the way of love and grace, and help me to forgive myself and move forward. In your will and your way. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Whoa. This was a tough series but I’ve learned so much. I hope you have too. Next week, we’ll dive into perseverance and find out what it is and how it relates to the dance.
Until then, stay determined to dance.
Links:
My debut novel, Jessie’s Hope
7 Steps to Breaking the ‘Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis’ Cycle
Hiding From Love by Dr. John Townsend
Failing Forward by John C. Maxwell
Remember: How Perfectionism Leads to Procrastination
Video of the week:
I absolutely love music and each week I’d like to share a relevant song we can enjoy together.
