February 28^th, 2024. A typical morning. I’d read my devotional for the day and the verse quickened in my soul.

“And he shall say to them, ‘Hear, O Israel: Today you are on the verge of battle with your enemies. Do not let your heart faint, do not be afraid, and do not tremble or be terrified because of them; for the Lord your God is He who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.’” Deuteronomy 20:3-4 NKJV

I knew it was a word of hope for someone so I shared it on Facebook. Yes, this verse would help a hurting person today.

Two hours later, my phone rang—a call from the doctor’s office where I’d had my checkup yesterday. I’d been sick since before Christmas: two colds and a round of bronchitis. The main detriment to me was a consistent cough I couldn’t seem to get rid of. The doctor did a lot of blood work. The nurse on the phone informed me that my red blood count was very high and they were sending me to the cancer center to see a hematologist.

I’d like to say I immediately went to the verse I read but I honestly was shocked. From what she said there was a rare blood disease and/or a rare blood cancer that fit my symptoms. My family and friends were stunned and suddenly the ground beneath my feet was very shaky. Later, I realized God had given me a lifeline in His Word to anchor me for what lay ahead.

I prayed for healing and answers but mainly to stop this persistent cough that bothered my ribs and chest at times with its intensity. To say the time I had to wait for answers proved difficult is an understatement.

Forty days later, I found out I didn’t have cancer or a rare blood disease. But the cough continued.

The hematologist sent me to a lung doctor, figuring it must be related to asthma. I’d been diagnosed with asthma 14 years earlier but it had been well-controlled with little medication.

Many tests later confirmed an uncontrolled asthma diagnosis and the journey of steroids and many breathing medications began. Most meds gave me thrush, an infection causing a sore throat and mouth. We kept changing meds, I kept coughing, and I read the verse almost daily.

I couldn’t do a lot because of shortness of breath, and the meds and inability to exercise pushed my weight upward. Which as we women know, is a terrible thing in itself for someone trying to get healthy.

But God. I sought harder than ever after God as I prayed. I knew he could heal anything but what if I had to live with this cough? Could I still praise him? One of the hardest things for me to handle was my inability to sing. I love praise and worship at church and singing around the house. But singing brought on coughing.

I believe I ingested more water and cough drops at night than anyone could imagine and single-handedly kept the cough drop people in business.

Summer came and the doctor decided to try to get me on a biologic injection, Dupixent. This med controls the underlying source of inflammation that can cause asthma attacks. I was willing to try anything though I didn’t care for the thought of self-injecting meds into my stomach every two weeks.

Don’t. Like. Needles.

Meanwhile, my blood wasn’t exactly like it should be so more tests showed a vitamin B12 deficiency. Thankfully, an easy fix. I felt like life was getting closer to a place I could move forward. But problems with a change in insurance moved back the date I could receive the new meds.

Almost six months after the first sign-up for Dupixent, on October 31st, I received my meds.

Would they work? I kept coughing.

During 2024, I can’t say enough praises for my family and friends who listened to me whine, cough, and struggle during the day-to-day battle. They are wonderful people and helped me move forward when I didn’t think I could.

On Saturday, November 30^th, we’d had friends over to watch a football game and they expressed their concern about my continued coughing. Should I see a different type of doctor? Try something new. I just didn’t know. I sat down that evening and wrote in my journal. Here are parts of the entry.

“I’m coughing really bad, probably because of the cold weather, thrush, and stress … help me, Abba, as I navigate the end of this difficult year … I don’t understand why I am still coughing. God, you know. Bring darkness to light. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. You are a perfect Father. Thank you for loving me.”

I woke the next morning after not waking once during the night. The coughing stopped after eleven months and a few days.

I would say I felt relief, but mainly I felt tired. You who struggle with lung ailments know the toll it takes on every part of you. I’ve rested since Thanksgiving. Not because I’m some super person who finally listened to my body and did it all right. No, mainly because I had foot surgery and had no choice.

I have a lot of questions and few answers. Why eleven months? Why did I quit coughing? Why me? I still have asthma (I can tell) so there’s that. Why do I sometimes get answers and other times don’t?

At sixty-one years of age, I don’t have all the answers and I’m glad. I think it would be too overwhelming in this life to know why some things happen like you want and others don’t. For me, it all comes down to the love of God. In my darkest times, He is there. In my best times, He is there. When I feel misunderstood by all, He understands. He gave me His Word and I find much comfort in its pages. He speaks to my heart in a still, small voice at times or speaks through people or songs or movies or books. He is all-powerful, all-knowing, and most important:

He is for me.

I plan to share smidgens of hope throughout the year. I needed hope so bad last year and it always showed up right on time. Never early. Never late.

What’s a smidgen beside a good Southern word? It means a small amount; bit.

And sometimes that’s all we need. A little hope to keep us journeying down the path that is before us. With God’s help.

God has fought for me all year long. And He’ll fight for you. I can’t promise you the outcome you’d like. I wish I could. But if you let me know, I’ll pray and encourage you. Drop by my blog on Tuesdays and receive your next smidgen of hope.

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 NLT

What do you look forward to in 2025? What areas of your life do you need more hope? Let’s chat about it in the comments…

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